the pursuit of perfection

Mom! Mom! Get up!  We leave in 15 minutes!

 “Ugh. Do we HAVE to go today? Why don’t you just take today off…its Saturday.”

 An hour later I slip off my skate guards and set them on the boards 

as I wait for the longest minute of the day to tick by…

7:59 and 05 seconds…

7:59:32…

7:59:48…

7:59:56…

BAM, BAM

The thud of zamboni doors echoes through the arena and we take the ice by storm as the digits on the scoreboard clock suddenly switch.

8:00:00 AM

Sunlight pours into the arena and my eyes water as I rip through the perfectly smooth ice. One of my friends throws a warm up mix into the cd player while the rest of us race around the rink like runners off the starting block. Aaaah, the sweet rush of adrenaline. Yes, these are my friends, but come springtime, they will also be my competitors.

Ten minutes into the practice session someone grabs the sash, and stops the music.

She’s going to do her program first.

Darn, I’d better put my name in line. I want to practice my routine soon.

As she skates, I grab the other sash and then rush through warming up the rest of my jumps.

“Hey Karalyn!” I interrupt her practice. “Can you play my music once she’s done?”

“Yeah.” She calls as she whizzes by.

Ok, take one thing at a time. 

Don’t rush the takeoff on the double lutz combo. Stick the landing on the double flip at the end. Remember to breathe… I give myself a pep talk as I nervously wait in my starting position. 

I so badly want to skate a perfect program right now. My friend just did. If she can do it, then so can I.

I close my eyes and inhale deeply to calm myself. Suddenly the sound of my music fills the air. I take off.  Nervous energy surges through my veins from my tense jaw down to my sweaty toes.

First two jumps are off without a hitch and before I realize what’s happening. My free leg whips me around into my layback spin. I relax my shoulders and push my hips forward so that my back is parallel with the ice. This is my chance to gather myself. As the lights on the ceiling whirl above me I mentally prepare myself for the next element, my hardest jump, the one I always fall on, the double lutz double toe combo.

I take a stride out of the spin, and the muscles in my legs begin to burn.  

As I reach full speed I stretch my right leg back, toe pick pointing down. Tiny chards of ice go flying through the frigid air as my toe meets the ice. And before I even lift into the air, I know that I’m going to land this one. The take off was just perfect. I know because I’ve been practicing this jump fifty times a day, six days a week for the last two years, and when you’ve been doing something for that long you know in your gut when it feels right.

I refocus as I begin my charge through the last minute of my program. I’ve learned through experience that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in skating, but what you’re going to do next. But, I was just so excited about that lutz! I wonder if mom saw. I glance up where she’s sitting as I start my footwork sequence. She smiles at me. Yep, she saw it!

 Oh, dang it. Here comes the double flip, last jump of the program. The music’s running out. I still need to do my combo spin.

Wham, I throw my toe into the ice and launch my body into the air.

Shoot.

This is bad. Agh.

I was so close to doing the perfect program.

I pick myself off the ice and fling myself into my final spin of the program. 

 

The music ends, leaving me sweaty, out of breath and disappointed. Someone else grabs the sash and begins their routine. I’ll just do it again after they’re done I guess, because after all, PERFECT practice makes perfect.

I pace as I wait for my turn to try it again.

I wish competition was like this. If you mess up you can just wait your turn and then try it again.

But its not. You get one shot to do everything PERFECT. And if you mess up on one tiny little thing, well, sorry. You’re not gonna win.

Looking back on this makes me so thankful that God doesn’t make me live a perfect life. If life was like a skating routine I’d be hopelessly in last place.

I read my Bible, pray, then go to conquer the world, and stumble, trip, fall and basically fail.

I’m so glad that I don’t have to live this life on my own. The Holy Spirit is with me every moment of every day whispering to my heart and urging me to make the right decisions. Then, we I go the wrong way, He’s there to help me back up.

“Those that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”

~Isaiah 40:30-31

amen.