She sits across from me munching on the last bit of her lunch.
“Mmm, this is so good honey.
Thank you.”
As she takes a sip of her lemonade, she peers up at me with her soft green eyes as she rubs her legs.
“Yeah, you’re cute honey” she chuckles.
CONTENT.
That is how to describe my grandma.
She lives in the moment.
She has ALZHEIMER’S disease.
The most misunderstood disease known to man.
It literally eats away at your brain, filling it with plaque and corroding the connections.
Imagine that your brain is a library. All of the information you know is represented by books on the shelves. When something comes up, or someone asks you a question, you have to go to a certain row and a certain shelf, choose a certain book, open to the right chapter, page and read the right sentence. And all this happens in your brain before you have a chance to formulate the words without even having to think about it.
When Alzheimer’s attacks, all of the books are still there, but you have no ability to access the information.
I used to visit my grandparents in California every couple years. They’d send birthday cards and Christmas money and mom would make us write a thank you note before we cashed the check.
I didn’t really know them back then.
That changed two years ago. I never would have imagined that I would be able to see my grandma every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed.
Sometimes I want to LAUGH at the things my grandma does,
other times I laugh so that I don’t CRY.
God, it’s not fair.
Why do other people get to sit on the couch munching on chocolate chip cookies and listen to their grandma tell stories about how they met your grandfather?
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose.”
~Romans 8:28
There is no possible good that can come from this trial God has put in my life.
“NO GOD!” My heart screams. This is not good by any means.
But then, after I scream at Him, a voice creeps into my head and whispers to my soul.
“These words are not loving.
What have I ENDEAVORED to teach you?
What have you still not learned?
Why do you still DOUBT me?
Will you ever accept my OMNISCIENCE?”
And it is THEN that I realize
“…the greatest of these is LOVE.”
~1 Corinthians 13:13
Yes, God. I love grandma.
Good. But there’s more. I want you to LOVE the way your grandmother loves; the way that I love.
Unconditionally and completely.
She loves life, beauty, and happiness but in a way that most people can’t.
She glows in the radiance of the sunrise as if she’s never seen daylight in her life.
She experiences the full joy and pleasure of a hug every time you give her one…
as if it were the first hug she’s ever gotten.
I am using her. Do not doubt MY plan.
“My ways are better than yours
and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts
declares the Lord.”
~Isaiah 55:8
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