i don't know what to say

Well its Thursday, and I promised myself that I would post every Thursday. 

I have been so busy this week. I think that it has been the hardest week of the whole semester. 

I spent all Sunday afternoon at the lab. 

Final Cut Pro is killing me. 

I’m sure it’s a great program and all, but I am very inefficient and inexperienced with using it.  

Four hours into a two minute video and I wasn’t even done, but I had to catch a ride home with Karalyn.

Later I sat on the couch, laptop on my lap, with my dad watching an Undercover Boss episode about sewage sanitation. Gross.

I tried to blog on commercial break, unsuccessfully. 

Television isn’t very conducive for writing, especially reality tv about sewage.

Five hours later I flung my slippers off as I threw back the covers, and rolled over the bed to set my alarm.

Ah, dang it. 

Forgot to read the Bible today. 

Every night for the last couple months I have been reading the New Testament one chapter a night, and I just can’t skip now. 

I flip to where my pen sits in the middle of my journal. 

Let’s see, today’s date, March 27, 2011. Today’s verse, 2 Peter 4.

Oh, that’s dumb. I flip to the page. There is no 2 Peter 4. 

I should know that after 18 years of being a Christian, right?

I never make myself take notes, but I know it helps if I do.

My pen lies idly and one minute later I read, 

“…If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar, and His word is not in us.” 

~1 John 1:10

 

Hmmm…that’s nice.

I snap my Bible shut, drop it by the bed, flick my light off and climb into my bed.

Then Monday morning came like a thief in the night. I could feel the dread as if it were a 60 pound child on my back screaming at me to go faster and crying if I tried to take it off. 

Thirty emails, six lessons, two bus rides, one video, and not a stitch of homework later I sit again at my kitchen table struggling to write a clever, witty, profound, awesome, inspiring blog post.

Tuesday morning. Econ class. I love my professor. 

I think he’s been teaching economics since my mom was in college. 

“Jayna?” He calls my name on the roll as he peers at his class through his big round glasses.

 “Here”, I call. 

I love his Greek accent.

His eyes twinkle under his bushy eyebrows, as he explains with great enthusiasm 

that the problem with humans is that we always want more and bigger castles.

He reminds me of grandpa in a way. 

Very opinionated and passionate in a sweet loveable way 

that makes you laugh at his silly jokes just because he is.

Then off to CU for four hours of TV Production class. Why do universities make classes that long? 

I had 30 minutes before class, so I flipped my laptop open to write.

Thirty minutes later I closed the blank Word document, snapped the laptop shut and shoved it in my backpack.

Wednesday morning. 6:30 am. 

My marketing boss in New Jersey texts me. 

“I just emailed those files for the next video, can you have it done by tomorrow?”

“Yeah, no problem!” I hit the reply button.

What have I got myself into? I have so much to do today. 

Summer camp registration opens on Friday and I don’t have any of the info up online yet.

I open my work email and the first one is from by boss titled “Accounts Receivable”. I sigh as I open the attachment with the names of 70 people I have to contact about paying for the classes they registered for.

Oh geez. 

My blog is so not happening today and its already Wednesday. 

I’m usually editing it by now and I don’t even have a good start on one.

So, here it is. Raelynn, this one’s for you.

I wrote about nothing.

No profound statements, or inspirational quotes.

Just me venting about my frustration with this week.

 

I think God is trying to teach me patience and I don’t like it. 

I have a plan and a schedule that He is not following.

I’m afraid that I’m growing increasingly impatient.

I don’t want to get tired of waiting for God and then start running off on bunny trials leaving God behind.

My random blog this week is a reflection of how I’ve been feeling. 

Confused, frustrated and impatient.

As the days have been going by my attitude has been gradually improving.

 In fact, just last night I read 1 John 4,

and for the first time in days 

I felt like I was actually paying attention to the words on the page. 

It was about love.

In fact, God defines love in verse 10:

“This is love:

not that we loved God,

but that He loved us and sent His Son

as a atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

So, it’s already Thursday and its going to be nice out this weekend.

God is good, all the time.

 I think I just needed a frustrating week to remind me 

that God is always present in my life

…even if it doesn’t feel like it.