Godliness with contentment...

...is great gain.

It was five o’clock finally. Another day was on the time clock and another evening of dinner and tv about to commence. No wife, no girlfriend, heck, he didn't even have a dog. Work was boring. It was just a dead end job, not a real career. But he didn't know what kind of career he wanted to have.

Choose a job you love, and you will 

never have to work a day in your life. 

~Confucius

He started thinking about things that he loved. As he went down the list in his head he tried to think of related jobs he could apply for. It was already getting late though and it was back to work early tomorrow morning so he’d have to think about applying for those jobs later. How could he go back to that mundane job for another 8 hour shift?

That night in bed the covers just kept getting tangled, the pillows wouldn't fluff right and his soft mattress felt like a park bench. This wasn't the first sleepless night he’d had. His eyes glazed over and the red digits on his alarm clock went out of focus and blended together into a red glow. Faint vibrating from his phone snapped him out of his daze. Rolling over to the other side of his bed he swung his arm down to see who was texting.

hey buddy. read this verse and was encouraged. jus wanted to pass it on. do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~phil 4:6

He breathed out deeply and set the phone back on the floor. He and his accountability partner had been texting each other daily with encouragement from the Word. It was great because it helped him to focus on learning something from his daily devotions and it was always interesting to hear what his friend had learned.

Folding his hands across his chest he contemplated the words on the screen. Until this point, it hadn't struck him how anxious he’d become. But God couldn't really take that anxiety away. A little prayer probably wouldn't hurt though.

Dear God…he said in his head…what is it you want me to do? Show me; tell me; lead me; direct me; guide me. I want to give it up for You, but I don’t know how to do that.

He sat in silence. 

Half not knowing what to say next, 

half wishing he would hear his phone 

vibrating with a text from God.

Nothing happened.

Agh, he sighed. He knew what he really wanted. He couldn't give it up to God. I mean he still wanted it. He couldn't imagine ever not wanting it. How then could he lie to God about not wanting it anymore? He couldn't even lie to himself about not wanting it.

But then, for some reason, (could it have possibly have been the prayer?) a peace swept over his heart.

The anxiety that had been oppressing him for months melted away like last night’s snow on the driveway.

In his head he could hear the preacher reciting, 

“In all your ways acknowledge HIM and 

HE will make your paths straight.” 

~Proverbs 3:6

Countless times had he heard this message in Sunday morning service. 

Never did he truly understood what it meant to acknowledge God. 

Until now.

Acknowledging 

God’s sovereignty, HIS omniscience, 

HIS omnipotence, and HIS love 

didn't mean giving up his desires. 

He didn’t have to lie to himself and “give up His desire for a ____”, he just had to acknowledge that God knew better how to give him the desire of his heart. 

This realization was so stunning it took his breath away. 

Before he even realized it, he was fast asleep in the peace of God which passes all understanding.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge HIM and he will make your paths straight.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6

finding love

She sat on the edge of her bed. 

The last few beams of Sunday afternoon sun warmed the part of the bedspread she laid her head back on. Staring up at the ceiling she wondered what she had done wrong. Numbness settled in her chest. Her heart cramped. Sunlight faded into blackness and the clean brightness faded into a calm black. 

The world around her stopped. I shouldn't have said that. 

I knew, I should have waited. Or should I have been more outgoing sooner?

Little hints she’d been dropping for weeks, and he never seemed to notice. Finally, she had done something drastic. But she hadn't done it unprovoked. He had asked her, well basically he had. 

Had he? Maybe he didn't. Had she ruined it?

Of course she had. 

But what option was there. Things just couldn't have kept going on the way they were.

Every time that other girl talked to him hopelessness and fear filled her head. 

Then those feelings became a callous, a wall that she put up. 

That wall that was more like a dam, holding back the waters of her love, had been cracking for weeks, months. Anger also resided behind that wall. Anger towards the other girls he talked to, resentment towards him for not liking her and worse of all, 

anger towards herself and the feelings that she had for him.

Then the walls had ripped open. 

he bricks of her wall hadn’t been able to withstand the emotional pressure any longer.

She told him how she felt. She made the fatal first move. Things were different now. 

How could they not be?

It’s so scary to put yourself out on the line like that. That was the beginning of the end. Tears welled up in her eyes. Her tear laden mascara slid down her cheek and tainted the pink of her bedspread making black little spots. She mourned the loss. The loss of her pride, the loss of her future hopes and dreams, which was worse?

“A lady’s imagination is very rapid;

 it jumps from admiration to love, 

from love to matrimony in a 

moment.” 

Jane Austen

Just as the washer machine had washed out the black stains in her bedspread leaving faint gray spots, the pain in her heart also faded. Next time she’d do things differently. She had learned to be more careful with her heart.

Her whole life she’d been taught about purity and told to guard it. It wasn't always easy to do in the world she grew up in. With the help of the Lord she had been pure her whole life. Or had she?

Never until now had she understood that there was more than one meaning of purity and more than one way to be impure. Purity of heart was something she had never even considered. Her thoughts and emotions had strayed from reality. Letting her emotions run wild had been fun. Playful daydreaming had turned into curious hoping, and through the course of time that had turned into an unrealistic expectation for the future.

But, don’t worry about her. She’ll be alright. She’s resilient. There might be parts of her heart missing but there is no hole there that the Father can’t fill. In fact, if you were to ask her today if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't change anything.

It wasn't fate, or karma that certain things had happened, it was providence. There were some lessons that HE knew she could never learn by reading in a book, or hearing from a friend. HE had wanted to protect her and keep her from hurting her heart, but she had chosen to walk away from HIM. Every step that she had taken punctured HIS heart. 

“We all, like sheep, 

have gone astray, 

each of us has turned to our own way…” 

~Isaiah 53:6

But finally, when the path she was treading had gotten rocky and come to a dead end 

she turned back to the Father.

And when she saw HIM, what did she see? 

Was it a scolding, ‘I told you so’ frown, or a wrinkled ‘I love you’ crease across HIS brow?“

“We love because HE first loved us.” 

~1 John 4:19

Who is this girl? She’s a self-conscious sixteen year old with red hair. Actually, she’s a Senior in college with deep yearning blue eyes. Or maybe she’s the ‘has-been’ mother of four sitting alone watching the news every night.

This girl is every girl.

Who is her Father?

He is EVERY girl’s FATHER, King Jesus.

I've never written about this because I've honestly \been afraid to. Maybe that’s why I haven’t written in a while. I always write best when I write what’s on my heart, and I guess this has been on my heart for a while. 

I pray by reading this someone can know that they don’t suffer alone, or know that it’s time to talk to someone, or be grateful for the love that they do have in their life, because we all have love…

“and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled 

to the measure of all the fullness of God.” 

Ephesians 3:19

a lifetime

Sir you have 90 seconds.

Sweat gathered on his brow threatening to sting his eyes and the dampness on his spine trickled down the small of his back. His stomach was tight with nerves which his deep breaking did little to calm.

Nothing in his vast career of public speaking had prepared him for this moment.

Opposition was stifling, and yet the necessity of the task before him gave him the resolve he needed to say what they were not ready to hear.

The title “Great Communicator” seemed to mock him now. So many powerful words had he uttered with passion, purpose and so much success had they reaped for him. Now what kind of communicator would he become?

He’d never forget the moment he asked Nancy to marry him.

Personal moments like that meant nothing to the public. They’re trite, experienced by everyone, nothing individual or extraordinary.

But nothing he’d ever said after that had affected his life in as impactful a way.

Similarly, those words exchanged at one in the morning in the darkness of the kitchen with his son Ron were the some of the ones he remembered most vividly.

His public speeches had immortalized him:

“You and I have a rendezvous with destiny.

We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth,

or we will sentence them to take the first stop into a thousand years of darkness.

 If we fail, at least our children and our children’s children say of us

we justified our brief moment here.

We did all that could be done.”

~October 27, 1964

“No arsenal or no weapon in the arsenals of the world is so formidable as

the will and moral courage of free men and women.”

~January 20, 1981

Inspiring, persuasive, and well spoken, this is who he was; what the world would remember him for. Posterity would remember his legacy as a world leader, and then after many generations, they would still remember the words he said.

“Mr. Gorbachev, tear down

this wall.”

 ~June 12, 1987

 And as memorable and profound as his words may be, they were not the ones he cherished.

More important to him were the words that had been spoken to him. The lectures he’d received as a young boy from his father now shone as a beam from a lighthouse, guiding him in the dark of night through the treacherous sea of life. Later in life, while sitting over countless cups of tea, his mentors had imparted to him decades of wisdom gained through their experiences.

Stored in his mind were thousands of secrets.

He could never forget the look on his 9 year old brother Neil’s face that night when he admitted that he was afraid of the dark.

Then there were the secrets of national security; that never ending list of things he could tell no one, except maybe his dog Strider when no one was looking. The burden of so many secrets takes a toll on the human soul, and no friend is better suited to keep a secret.

Now everything was FADING TO BLACK.

His mind, that which had brought him to be the 40^th president of the United States of America, was being eaten alive.

Millions of names, faces, dates, cities,

life changing,

world changing events,

speeches,

struggles,

passions,

everything, SLOWLY FADING AWAY.

It was all still there, neatly filed away in the dark recesses of his memory.

But what good is a safe without an accurate combination?

Why have a buried treasure if there is no map?

How useful is a door without a key?

The nagging fear of the future and life without context is what scared him the most. His Alzheimer’s diagnosis was threatening to gut him of his pride, his self worth, his dignity, his everything.

What are you without a recollection of your past and a hope, a plan, for your future?

He’d been a person of deadlines and appointments all his life, scheduled to the minute sometimes. His past was studded with history that filled the textbooks of the world, and now his future, his future yawned ahead of him like an ominous train tunnel with no end. It was a black and unknown void that filled his soul with fear.

 Alzheimer’s would make him timeless in his last days. To live in the moment, that is what we are told to do, right? Don’t worry about the past; don’t get caught up in the hopes of the future; enjoy your life and live in the moment. That is the essence of Alzheimer’s. It’s having the knowledge of the moment and nothing else.

Not to be outdone by the imminent peril of his death sentence, the Great Communicator had yet a few more words to share with the world in his final speech.

He was snapped out of his musings when he was called by the man in the gray suit,

“Sir, you may take the stage now.”

“In closing, let me thank you, the American people, for giving me the great

honor of allowing me to serve as your president.

When the Lord calls me home, whenever that day may be, I will leave with the

greatest love for this country of ours and

eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life.

There was a tear creeping down his rosy cheek, and his voice caught on a well of emotion, but he maintained his composure as he uttered these powerful words of hope

…I know that for America there will

always be a bright dawn ahead.”

~November 5, 1994

Former US President Ronald Reagan, The Great Communicator

Disclaimer: As with all of my writing, this piece is purely fictional with bits of historical fact scattered throughout. The quotes are cited, everything else is from my imagination and written for the purpose of raising important questions and ideas. 

when you don't get what you want...

Only eight years old playing Barbie's with her sister, but she already had her life planned out for the next 12 years. As she braided long blond Barbie hair she was weaving ideas of her idealisitc future. 

She would be married by the time she was twenty, live in a house with prince charming and raise a family happily ever after. It had all seemed so realistic back then.

After all if you plan things right and live a good Christian life you can get what you want, right?

 “Know that wisdom is like honey for you:

If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off...

For the evil man has no future hope,

and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.”

~ Proverbs 24:14 and 20

That ideal was fading as she graduated from high school ten years later.

The thought of being married at 20 had lost its appeal.

But she was not a heroine to be easily disheartened. The story of her life was just beginning and the hope of the impending summer and the beginning of college fueled her fantasies of what her life would become within the next four years. She could put behind her mistakes she’d made in the last four years and become the girl she wanted to be in the next four.

“For I know the plans I have for you,”

declares the Lord,

 “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.”

~Jeremiah 29:11

The details of those plans were still unknown to her. When the next four years of college turned into the next 6 years of college her heroic spirit was enduring moments of discouragement.

The college graduating class of 2011 seemed to taunt her with their cap and gown pictures on Facebook. The day of her best friend’s wedding had passed with a tang of bitter sweetness.

The world was spinning and big hand on the clock in her living room was ticking round without her.

But she was strong.

The bumps and detours in the road had not extinguished the flame of hope she held on to.

 

As she lay in her bed at night and stared out the open window at the glittering stars she would pray to God and thank Him for the life He had blessed her with, but sometimes she forgot.

No, that’s a lie, she didn’t forget to pray.

Sometimes she didn’t pray on purpose and instead was consumed with her hope and dreams. She was discouraged because things didn’t pan out the way she had anticipated.

She wasn’t getting what she wanted and it confused her. She was a good Christian. She went to church every week and read her Bible so why wasn’t God rewarding her? 

Like everything in life, if you work hard and follow the steps to success you’ll end up on the top…well that’s

what she used to think. As she stared into the infinity of the stars, the awe of God's power and control overwhelmed her and reminded her that life is not about the material success you enjoy. Perspective makes a world of difference and the right perspective was enough to fuel her optimism. Whatever opportunities God decided to give her in life, she would relish and she would do her best to leave the steering up to Him. 

"So we do not lose heart.

Though our outer self is wasting away,

our inner self is being renewed day by day.

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.

For the things that are seen are transient,

but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

You don’t have to get what you want.

Sometimes what you want changes,

sometimes it stays the same,

sometimes you do get what you want,

sometimes you enjoy it,

sometimes you regret it.

"If in Christ

we have hope in this life only,

we are of all people

most to be pitied.”

~1 Corinthians 15:19

We, the believers in Christ, have the most reason to hope. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that things go our way if we follow all of the rules. It means we can look past the disappointments of this life and find hope in the promises of Christ.

I don’t know why things work out the way they do.

All I know is that you can’t manipulate God into doing what you want him to do. You can’t even truly know what you want sometimes. The comfort is that God knows what you need and he knows when to give it to you. Be flexible, be willing, and be hopeful because

He has a plan.

“For in this hope we were saved.

Now hope that is seen is not hope.

 For who hopes for what he sees?

But if we hope for what we do not see,

we wait for it with patience.”

~Romans 8:24-25

the day you figure out WHY

"THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT DAYS OF YOUR LIFE ARE THE DAY YOU ARE BORN 

AND THE DAY YOU FIGURE OUT WHY." -Mark Twain

The warmth of the summer sun was unbearably magnified by the sweaty convection of the turf field that July morning. A half empty bottle Gatorade offered momentary relief between suicide sets and parachute sprints. Through two small earphones repeated the same song, drowning out everything, the heat, the pain, the muscle exhaustion, and the scoffing voices of defeat. 

 

But those are the thoughts that made him run faster.
He knew what he wanted, and he know what it was going to take to get there.

Running next to him was a girl. They ran together when he didn't have football practice. She was curious, searching, and unsure. Unsure of what she wanted. where she was going, how she was going to get there and who she was going with.

Burning legs and aching lungs consumed her thoughts. Cool beads of sweat brought satisfaction and relief. Dig. Dig deeper. Don't let up. Run faster. Her cleats flew through the wind. She threw her feet forward into the soft turf and then flung them against the backs of her legs. 

But she was no match for him. He beat her every time.

He was stronger; he'd been practicing like this his entire life. He's known what he wanted from the time he was 8 years old. Why he was so passionate, she'd never know.  

                                

How was he so sure of his purpose in life? 

He had to be afraid that things would change, or that things wouldn't work out. But nothing had transpired in his life during the last decade to soften his resolve.

She admires his tenacity, his steadfastness and dedication. At the same time she worries for him. She knows that there is only one purpose worthy of being devoted to.

Years past and eventually, he realized success. He proved all the naysayers wrong. The NFL signed him and the glory and success that had motivated him all his life was realized. Money and fame followed some successful interceptions and passes. He had all he ever wanted. 

Or did he?

Twittering sparrows signify a brisk spring morning, but the arthritic old man shuffling along the sidewalk was now in the fall of his life. He smiled at the sounds of the wailing baby birds and remembered all of the hard times that the Lord had brought him through.

                               

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? 

And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father." 

~Matthew 10:29

His family, his career, his golf clubs, all of the beautiful places he'd been to around the world
all added up to a blessed life.

"For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out." 

~ 1 Timothy 6:7

He had lived for each of them at a time, but now all of those things were mostly memories. 

What is the purpose of his life? The day he was born brought him into the world, young eager, untainted. Now he was approaching the day he would die, old, jaded and tired. But it is the answer to the second question that still gives him hope. 

The reason for existence has to be able to rise above every other goal, hope, wish and dream. 

Time turns the dawn of dreams into memories setting on the distant horizon.

Passions and desires come and go. 

Hope and dreams fall away with the maple leaves in the fall.

Looking back on his life he could see things so clearly.

One purpose in his eighty two years had transcended all. 

He discovered God.

Moreover, he discovered that God, the Creator, and the King of Kings loved him. Why? He had no idea. After all the things he'd done, the lies, the stealing, the cheating, but God still loved him.  

                                    

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only Son." 

~John 3:16-18

And that was when he knew why he had been born. He trusted in God; believed that the death, burial and resurrection of Christ was payment for his sin and his life had changed. The love that God had bestowed upon him began to transcend his entire life and everything he did. 

God gave him unfounded love for his family, his friends and his enemies. 

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, 

nor angels nor principalities nor power, not things present nor things to come, 

not height nor depth, or any other created thing,

shall be able to separate us from 

the love of god which is Christ Jesus our Lord."

~Romans 8:38-39

To understand this love is to understand life and the purpose therein. 

"For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

~Philippians 1:21

a little girl's dream

Beethoven’s 5^th Symphony blared through the ancient wooden framed TV set.

Two little faces gazed intently at the bright flashing images.

The attention of the two pajama clad girls was captivated.

The music built to a powerful crescendo then suddenly stopped.

Instantly, thunderous applause roared from the single speaker on the tube.

A creeping grin creased the cheeks of the mesmerized girls sitting on the floor.

A door in the back of the room made a slight creak and both little heads snapped to the right.

                                  “Mom! Mom! Did you see the skater?” She was beautiful!”

In their young hearts grew the longing to be that pretty girl standing center ice

blowing kisses to the crowd.

There is nothing that surpasses the rush of feeling when you have that impossible dream. You spend all of your time, energy and thoughts working toward fulfilling that dream. The power of that dream brings you to sacrifice, and teaches you to focus.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.”

~Proverbs 16:3

But what happens when you don’t achieve that goal?

When that ladder to the sky reaches into the infinity of the clouds,

but the setting sun threatens to leave you hanging perilously in the dark.

You decide to climb back down into the droll routine of normal life

never forgetting the disappointment of your failure.

Failing to reach the stars darkens the sunrise on the horizon of the future.

Then after you sink back into the routine of the ordinary, you begin to gain perspective.

Like a horse freed of his blinders, you’re shocked to realize that the road you’ve been treading for so long is surrounded by sprawling green pastures. There is more to life than the tiny tunnel of what you wanted your life to be.

God had different plans for you. Plans that you could not imagine.

He is not out to get you.

He doesn’t want to obliterate your sky high ambitions like a star falling into the oblivion of empty space. In you he is writing a masterpiece.

But, we fail to see His ingenuity so we scribble on the story of our lives like children in a coloring book.

“Look, God! Look at the beautiful coloring I have done in my life.”

We proudly display our tattered scribbled pages filled with blot marks, and tear stains. And because of Jesus Christ, our Father looks down on our papers and smiles,

“For I know the plans I have for you,”

 declares the Lord,

 “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.”

~Jeremiah 29:11

The two little girls did become skaters. They poured their hearts and souls into it. They trained six days a week on the ice, off the ice, and travelled from rink to rink learning from countless coaches. Year after year they’d sport their sparkling dresses to competitions everywhere from Kansas City to San Jose. 

Every year ended the same.

“I just need to work harder. Next year. Next year I’ll do better.”

Finally, after fourteen years of running after figure skating stardom, my dreams began to change.

It frightened me at first. I fought the change. Doubts and fears ran though my mind like stray cats darting from ally to ally.

“If I don’t continue competitive skating I’ll be a quitter.”

And quitting is every dreamer’s worst nightmare.

But now as I open the unfinished book of my life, I reread my story up to this point and smile.

I was no quitter. 

I see now that I was successful at skating.

In my headlong pursuit of glory and fame I had lost sight of all that I had achieved.

My inability to balance dreams for the future and contentment in the present had brought a moment of dissatisfaction and a sense of failure.

Now what?

I don’t know what’s next for you. I don’t even know what’s next for me. But I know someone who does.

“You know when I sit and when I rise;

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;

You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue You, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and You lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”

~Psalm 139:2-6

Ask God. And then listen for His answer.

If you listen carefully you will hear Him.

“And behold, the Lord passed by,

and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord,

but the Lord was not in the wind;

and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake;

and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire;

and after the fire

a still small voice.”

~1 Kings 19:11-12

judgment

I shiver as hundreds of cars whiz by, just feet in front of me, splattering dirty snow along the side of the road. The weight of my backpack strains my neck causing my shoulders to cramp.

Ah, I roll my head around in a circle to relive the tightness 

as I spot the tall silhouette of the bus on the morning horizon.

 

The four other commuters standing with me step up to the curb and board ahead of me.

“Morning.” I nod to the driver as I flash my bus pass.

Thank goodness it’s so warm in here today.

It’s always the same people that I ride with. The high school kids, grad students, and nurses from the hospital on our route are all so predictable, so unfriendly, so wrapped in their own cares.

The young girl in front of me grins sheepishly as her thumbs race across the keypad on her phone. I’m surprised that her little friends would be up so early, but maybe she’s texting her boyfriend. She’s so young. The sullen man at the front with dirt engrained into his fingernails and clothes stares blankly out at the misty morning.

As I shuffle through my favorite playlists and slide my ear buds into my ears I notice a boy in front of me. He sits still and straight, almost rigid in his gray pea coat.

His hands are folded in his lap so neatly.

I notice that his nails look dark and then I realize they’re painted.

Understanding comes over me as he curiously turns his head and peeks back at me.

The royal purple of his decorative scarf is a compliment to his violet nail polish and sparkly eye shadow.

My gaze on him freezes in abhorrence and disgust.

How sickening! How could anyone act like that,

or dress like that,

or think

or believe like that!

I must have had hidden my venomous thoughts from my expression because then he smiled at me.

Not a give cheesy grin, or a sly smirk, but rather a half smile. A look of desperate want, it was as if he was asking me for some sort of affirmation or kindness.

He was begging me to suspend my condemnation.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

For in the same way you judge others,

you will be judged,

and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye?

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’

when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

You hypocrite,

first take the plank out of your own eye,

and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

 ~Matthew 7:1-5

Remorse struck me in my gut. I had no love for him. 

I had cast him into the fiery abyss of Sodom and Gomorrah as if I were God himself.

And in that weak smile of his, in those hurting eyes that looked back at me, I saw him as I think Jesus sees him. A self –destructive, wandering lamb.

"All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; 

but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him[self]." ~Isaiah 53:6

My terror was complete as I sank back into my seat;

This is how God must also see me.

I am the wicked, sinning girl who Jesus gave his life for that I might be spared the pain of my sins.

Oh Lord,

thank you for your unconditional love,

for your selfless plan to save me from my wayward self.

I pray that you might open the eyes of my heart to share the gift of your love

to my fellow wallowing sheep.