Humans were not meant to be idle beings.
Exercising releases endorphins and neurotransmitters,
reduces immune system chemicals which can worsen depression,
and increases body temperature which may have calming effects.
(mayoclinic.com)
The skin on my right arm, warm from the harsh summer sun, contrasted with the cold air blasting through the car vents onto my sweaty face. The radio wasn’t on, but mom doesn’t usually listen to music on the road, and she was driving.
The silence was driving my mind a million miles an hour.
How am I going to pay the bills for my broken foot? When am I going to be done with college? Will I be able to drive my manual car to school with my broken foot when it starts in a month? What relationships are going to build me up towards the person I want to be in Christ?
An overwhelming sense of indecision and discontentment weighed in my chest. The chasm of unanswered and unanswerable questions yawned in front of me like a bad dream.
A row of silent tears slipped down my cheek.
The usual excitement of the future eluded my heavy heart as I weighed the causes and effects of a thousand different scenarios in my head.
To stay, to go, try the new, stay with the old, accept, decline, pursue, or abandon?
We got home and the cool of my air conditioned home was a welcome to me, sweaty and tired from a long day out. My calloused palms ached as I crawled up the staircase on my bare knees. The cold metal of my crutches clacked as I drug them alongside me. Six weeks today since the break.
Looking back, that time has gone fast. I don’t even know if I could walk without crutches it’s become so natural.
The old adage is true; it takes a month to form a new habit.
My new habit is hopping on one foot. That, and worrying about things that I have no control over.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
~Matthew 6:34
True.
But I’m still worrying.
It wasn’t until days later that I finally began to grasp the meaning of that verse.
I’m not saying that I have given up my worries. In fact, I’m worrying about them right now, but I’m beginning to learn of the peace that God gives his children.
Hot summer breeze streamed through my passenger side window playing with my loose hair and throwing it across my face. I reached over to switch the radio station as Karalyn drove us home and clicked through all six stations to finally land on the one song that was going to change my perspective.
He is jealous for me.
Loves like a hurricane;
I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and I realized how beautiful you really are
and how great your affections are for me.
Oh. How he loves us, oh.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
Oh. How he loves us, oh.
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
Oh. How he loves us, oh.
And it struck me.
I am overlooking all of the beautiful moments of every day and worrying about the insurmountable tasks of the future.
The mountain of my future was looming above me, my view of the peak clouded by massive white clouds.
I was going mad looking for something that I could not see, all the while I was ignoring the pureness and majesty of the clouds I could see.
Who says clouds have to have a silver lining to be beautiful or promising?
Isn’t it the mere presence of the cloud that reminds us of God’s majesty?
While my earthly vision
to the top of the mountain is obstructed
by the blinding whiteness of the clouds,
it is God who
sees the top of the mountain
above the clouds.
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